In my attempt to make a decision on how to spend my year, I’ve had heart to hearts with friends, made a pros and cons matrix (a list would be far too simplistic), drunk a lot of wine and noted the things I’d like to achieve in either situation (improvements I could make, procedures I could implement, and fun things I could do).
It got to the point that I’d agonised so much that I just wanted it all to be over, and one of my closest friends demanded that I just pick, because the whole thing was clearly making me uncomfortable. I’d lost count by this point of the amount of people who told me to flip a coin or pick one option out of a hat, and that my reaction to that game of chance would tell me how I really felt. Unfortunately, my brain is not so easily fooled – there really is nothing in it when it comes to this contest. I’ve got two great options to choose from, both beneficial to my future, both things I’ll enjoy doing, and both opportunities which of course have down sides.
And then I received a truly great piece of advice. “Which one frightens you most?” a friend asked. I answered quickly. “That’s your answer,” she smiled.
She had a point. We finished our cups of tea, trudged through a muddy field and returned with two horses to work, and I mulled it over some more.
As I played with the horse, a lightbulb flickered into life. I was wrong about which choice really scared me. It wasn’t that the answer I’d given was wrong, just that it, in reality, is mildly less scary than the other choice. I figured out that I was scared of both, for different reasons (of course).
And again, the waters were muddied…